Unity Candles, when to incorporate into ceremony Options

[CarolR]

Hello everyone, I have a wedding coming up and for the first time they want to use unity candle's in their ceremony and was wondering how this all occurs? When are they lit, What words are used, who holds the lighter? When are the candles put out? Any help you can give me would be very much appreciated.

Carol N.H. J.P.

[CT_JP_Ernest]

Thank you for a very good question, Carol. Your question was moved here because Unity Ceremonies are considered to be part of the overall wedding ceremony.

One of the advantages of attending the annual Justice of the Peace Conference is seeing and hearing how different Justices of the Peace perform ceremony elements. Both experienced and neophite JPs can benefit from the Conference.

The following assumptions are being made: There will be two tapers, one pillar, one votive, and a lighter (or book of matches). At the Conference we will have demonstations!

Here are a few tips, gleaned from JP Conferences:

Before the ceremony begins, the tapers are in holders on either side of the pillar, the votive is out of sight behind the pillar. The officiant lights the votive using the lighter; a fireplace lighter is best.

Optional: The mothers of the couple light the tapers from the votive and pass the tapers to their children, symbolizing the love passed from generation to generation. The officiant would describe what was going on. It does not have to be the mothers, of course; it could be any people from whom love has been passed.

The couple lights the tapers from the votive.

While the couple is lighting the pillar, the officiant describes the significance of two flames joining into one flame, just as two lives are becoming inseperably joined.

The couple replaces the tapers in the holders, leaving them lit. The lit tapers signify that the members of the couple remain individuals, and love still shines from them.

After the end of the overall ceremony, the pillar and tapers are moved to the head table (or sweetheart table) at the reception. The candles are relit as necessary. In general, no guest should see the candles put out between the ceremony and the reception.\

Each officiant performs the Unity Candle differently. You will research and write your own ceremony words, which is part of being an officiant. Each ceremony that you do will reflect the couple's wishes and your creativity. Who knows, you may present your ideas at the 2011 Conference!

Best wishes,

Ernest

[Maria Taylor]

Dear Carol,

I hope this will help you.

If the 'birth' Mothers are present at the wedding, I have them light the 2 taper candles before we even start the ceremony; I like to think of it is a tacit re-enactment of the birth of their children to readying them for their next step of life. (I ask the Mothers to light their respective children candle – left for groom, right for bride)

If no 'birth' Mothers are there or don't want to participate --- I encourage the couple to light their own candle representing their solitary life till this day.
In some cases special allowance is made – as in case of adoption or of very valued individuals (like-Mother) who really were at their side in times of need.
Personally I ask the Mothers to try to light the candles at the same time, just as an added symbolism, I ask of the couple the same thing; in my opinion only because NO TIME REALLY separated them at all, the world was made for their unity. Soapy/sentimental - yes I know!

I NEVER use lighters - to me they are too casual -- I try to use matches; but they are getting scarce by the day -- I think if a votive candle is used as the light to light the tapers, it should be at the front & once used, extinguished & moved at the back - under no circumstance is to be left burning.
The couple will use the tapers to light the "Unity Candle"
In some ceremonies, I have had the Maid of Honor & the Best Man extinguish the tapers before they walk out in the recessional; in some cases I have done so. In few cases where the couple prefers it to stay lit, I encourage them to leave them all lit only until the wedding party has exit the room. If I don’t do it for them, they pick someone to do it. Remember I ask them to re-light the Unity Candle each year!!

HERE is one of my presentation : (this is the very simple one I use some time)

"Before we started this unique and beautiful ceremony, ------'s and ------'s Mothers lit two small candles which have been burning but no mention was made up to now of their function or significance. I shall now speak of their symbolic value.

The two candles that are lit symbolize ---- and ------ as individuals. Some people believe that when children are born, a light is born within them, it stays with them and lights their path in their life journey in search for their soul mate.

The third candle, still unlit, is called the Unity Candle, and it symbolizes --- and ---- in the unity of marriage. Traditionally, the Unity Candle is lit at each wedding anniversary when the vows are renewed and the celebration of love is repeated.

Together ------ and ----- will now light their Unity Candle; its light will guide them in their future journey.

(The Unity Candle lighting takes place while the Justice is saying these words)

'One flame of warmth, one light to guide your path together, with flame of hope to shine forever. From every human being rises a light reaching straight to heaven, and when two souls destined to be together find each other, their stream of light flows together, and a single, brighter light goes forth from their united being.'

May the light of love, understanding, respect and trust shine eternally for you."

[Lsmomwife]

I have done lots of Unity candle ceremonies.....sometimes the parents of the brides/grooms (we're in CT - it can be a same sex couple) each light a tealight candle and then the brides/grooms light a taper from each of the tealights and use them to light a central candle. Sometimes it's just the brides/grooms that each light a taper and use it to light the central candle. Sometimes it's done to remember all of those folks who can't be there at the wedding and to bring their spirit into the ceremony. A couple examples....

Unity Candle
As light symbolizes life, so a lighted candle is a symbol of individual life. Before the wedding, the parents of the bride and groom each light a candle near or on the altar to symbolize their life as a family. After they recite their wedding vows, the bride and groom each light a taper from their family’s candle. Then together they light the Unity Candle to symbolize the uniting of their lives and the continuation of family.
As an added touch, the groom may give a single rose to the bride’s mother and the bride gives a single rose to the groom’s mother after they light the candle.
Remembrance:
The bride and groom have asked us to take a special moment to honor XXX who could not be here with us today With the lighting of this candle, we bring his presence to this ceremony.
The bride and groom move to the candle table and light the candle and then come back together to the front of the room. As they return, Laura says: As we gather here today, we also take time to acknowledge all other family and friends who are with us in spirit only.

[mariejp]

I usually do this after the vows but before the pronouncement. There are three candles—one is a pillar and there are two tapers, so you should have two handle holders and a pillar candle ( I use a sleek one as opposed to s stubby one, better line) this is also on a pillar candle holder. It’s you choice whether you want to “gift” these to the couple or take them, they are yours, after all. I always use matches- not a book, but the small boxes of matches. It just is a nicer touch. I usually perform the ceremony since the wedding party is usually very small.

UNITY CANDLE

The two outside candles have been lighted to represent both your lives in this moment. They are two distinct lights, each capable of going their separate ways. As you join now in marriage, there is a merging of these two lights into one light, From now on, your thoughts shall be for each other rather than your individual selves.

Your plan shall be mutual, your joys and sorrow shall be shared alike.
As you each take a candle and together light the center once, you will extinguish your own candles, thus letting the center candle represent the union of your lives into one flesh. As this one light cannot be divided, neither shall your lives be divided but a united. May the radiance of this one light be a testimony of your unity as a couple.