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A Rose By Any Other Name


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#1 JPNH

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Posted 24 January 2010 - 07:48 PM

I noticed on the NH site that it said gay marriages are now allowed.
I would prefer same sex wording but as I am hetro do not know how persons in these relationships would prefer to call it. I also read elsewhere that the wording as to status may have moved on from companion or partner to husband/husband, wife/wife. I have not run into this personally. Any thoughts on either of these matters?
I feel that at the present time these issues are still new and being worked out.

#2 CT_JP_Ernest

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Posted 24 January 2010 - 08:52 PM

In all cases, whether hetrosexual or homosexual, we should ask how the couple to be married wishes us to word their ceremony.

Just as, when being introduced for the first time to their guests, some couples prefer to be called "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith", others like "Jane & John Smith", some prefer to be called "Jane Jones & John Smith". During the ceremony we might call Ms Johnson "Chris", "Christine", or "Chrissy", and Mr. Lee "Kim", "KJ", or "Skip". So with the words "bride", "groom", "partner", "spouse", "husband", "wife", and so on.

As Justices of the Peace, we give couples choices. When writing a ceremony for a same-sex couple (and that's the way I refer to people who some may label "Gay", "Lesbian", or ...), I always, always give them the choice. It's not up to me to ask "Which of you wants to be 'The Bride'?" If both want to be called "groom", that's fine. When asked, most couples will have an opinion.

Check out WWW.NutmegJusticeOfThePeace.Com/GayWeddings.html for a brief look at what I tell "my" same-sex couples.

#3 JPBarsalou

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Posted 24 January 2010 - 09:09 PM

My couples refer to each other as wife/wife or husband/husband.

#4 mariejp

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Posted 25 January 2010 - 10:18 PM

I always ask ans don't make assumptions. Everyone is different.

#5 JPNH

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 10:36 AM

I really like "You are now well and truly married" Sounds a little old fshioned and formal.

#6 Willowyn

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Posted 05 March 2010 - 01:23 PM

JPNH, I love the phrase, "you are now well and truly married". So simple, and so graceful. As a matter of fact, I will add that to today's ceremony. My couple had been struggling with finding just the right phrases, and I know they'll love this one!

And JP CT Ernest, thank you for the link to some great ideas and food for thought. As someone who is also "Straight for Equality", it's not always easy to know the right words. But then again, no matter the gender mix, each of our couples are different and we should do everything we can to ensure their wishes are met.

#7 CarolR

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Posted 06 March 2010 - 07:14 PM

I ask how same sex couples want to be addressed and I haven't had any problems. On my business card I offer alternative weddings instead of gay marriages. I feel it just sounds better and is respectful.
:D

#8 CT_JP_Ernest

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Posted 11 March 2011 - 02:49 AM

Now that Connecticut has moved all marriages to (duh!) marriages and eliminated civil unions, I've struggled with what to have on my business card, too. "Alternative marriages" doesn't work for me because what we're offering isn't an alternative; it's marriage, fully legal. "Alternative marriage" sounds to me like polyamorous (multiple-partner) marriage, or so-called "open marriage" (either or both spouses can have sexual partners; there is no fidelity).

The same-sex couples that I've asked have no consistent opinions.

#9 DreamView

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 10:15 AM

30 September 2011

Like the Title
"A Rose By Any Other Name"!

For more rousing discussion regarding Roses By Other Names:

http://www.jpus.org/...;hl=same gender

I continue to stand upon my soap box regarding the use of the term Same-Sex and how it affects the public perception and reaction,
as opposed to the term
Same-Gender.

To date EVERY ONE of my same gender couples, including those in my own family who are homosexual,
have come not only to appreciate, but embrace and prefer the use of the term
SAME GENDER.

I remember when I was interviewed by THE NEW YORK TIMES when I STRESSED the use of same gender versus same-sex. The reporter told me "Sorry Lady. Sex Sells. It's provocative. Gender isn't."

EXACTLY my point!




genĚder1    [jen-der] Show IPA
noun
1. Grammar .
a. (in many languages) a set of classes that together include all nouns, membership in a particular class being shown by the form of the noun itself or by the form or choice of words that modify, replace, or otherwise refer to the noun, as, in English, the choice of he to replace the man, of she to replace the woman, of it to replace the table, of it or she to replace the ship. The number of genders in different languages varies from 2 to more than 20; often the classification correlates in part with sex or animateness. The most familiar sets of genders are of three classes (as masculine, feminine, and neuter in Latin and German) or of two (as common and neuter in Dutch, or masculine and feminine in French and Spanish).
b. one class of such a set.
c. such classes or sets collectively or in general.
d. membership of a word or grammatical form, or an inflectional form showing membership, in such a class.
2. sex: the feminine gender.
3. Archaic . kind, sort, or class.