Justice of the Peace Newsletter Summer 2005

On September 24, one week before the first civil unions took place in Connecticut, close to 200 Connecticut Justices of the Peace gathered at Middlesex Community College in Middletown to learn the details of the new law and meet and talk with each other. From the feedback received, we are happy to report that the meeting was a resounding success.
Rather than toot our own horn, we'll let our JPs do the reporting. The following article by Carl Seeger Henry originally appeared in Metroline, New England’s oldest Gay and Lesbian Publication.

I had the pleasure of joining 200 Justices of the Peace (and friends) at Middlesex Community College on Sept 24, to learn about Connecticut Civil Unions. The mood was electric in the large meeting room as we shared the realization that we were pioneers in a revolutionary and evolutionary turning point in our society. State Rep. Mike Lawlor

Rep. Mike Lawlor

delivered an inspirational address that covered the history of this civil rights movement. He expressed his feeling and observation that full equal rights were inevitable in our future society. Keynote speaker Elizabeth Frugale, State Registrar of Vital Records for the Department of Public Health, discussed the legal technicalities of the Civil Union Process. A panel of Town Clerks offered their advice to JPs about complying with the mechanics of this new procedure.
       A rousing question and answer session was followed by roundtable discussions on a variety of topics including “Massachusetts Gay Weddings: A Year’s Reflection,” facilitated by Massachusetts JPs Rosemarie Kerwin and Claire Mentus.
        We learned that the JP process for Civil Unions will be identical to Marriages with two exceptions: Both parties must be over 18; and a JP can refuse to perform a Civil Union.
                                                          Carl Seeger Henry, Newington CT

Connecticut JP Conference Materials Available

This is the package distributed to attendees at the conference on Sept. 24. It can be purchased at jpUS.org/conference.htm for $20 including tax and shipping. Contents include:

Elizabeth Frugale's Powerpoint presentation on Connecticut Civil Unions
Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) booklet on Connecticut Civil Unions
A Resource for Same Sex Ceremonies (Unitarian Universalist Church)
Changes to the Connecticut JP Manual concerning Civil Unions (CT Secretary of State)
A Guide to Creating Ceremonies for Interfaith and Gay Couples (jpUS.org)
A slim pocket- or purse-sized vinyl-covered pad and pen with jpUS logo

Here are reports from three roundtable facilitators:

The Interfaith discussion groups were fascinating! We talked about using religious elements in a civil ceremony (when asked to) and what constitutes "religion." As a Jewish JP, e.g., I will read from the Old Testament, but not the New. Participants shared their experiences with Wiccan elements in a ceremony, Native American prayers and rituals. We also talked about dress code -- wearing a robe or not. Ultimately, the discussions were terrific and we walked away with more knowledge AND more questions. Laura Minor, Bristol CT

I did not get the impression that the Justices were really that concerned about same sex commitments. Those who were interested asked many very good questions that fortunately we were able to answer, and our answers seemed to address their concerns. Claire M. Mentus
We shared where to get books on ceremonies and websites with sample ceremonies. We talked about how to involve the couple in creating a meaningful ceremony. Our Q & A session helped to educate the group and furthered our networking process. The info packet I promised to send participants is nearly completed and will be on its way shortly! Doug Kovacs, Milford CT

FROM THE PRESIDENT When we started to plan this conference, we had no idea how many JPs would come. We kept our fingers crossed as we reserved the space and ordered supplies. What a happy surprise we were in for! The conference seems to have touched a deep-seated desire among JPs to meet and talk with their cohorts. Most JPs forgave us our missteps (e.g., the room barely held everyone and the roundtables sometimes resembled a game of musical chairs) and we promise to do better next time. Yes, there will be a next time! The JPs who came overwhelmingly want to return next year. Not surprisingly, most liked the day (Saturday) and month (September) and location. So let's hear from those of you who couldn't make it. Write to conference@jpUS.org with your preferences for the next event.
Here's a sampling of comments on the Report Cards turned in:

"A very good first effort. Morning was very helpful, afternoon good networking & discussions."
"Very impressed by the organization."
"Great event - please do more!"
"Overall, an excellent conference" - Stephen Bacon.
"Valuable conversation" - Ned Greene.
"Great day - networking was wonderful." - Marianne Malkin.
"For a first time or not, this was very informative, friendly & well conceived."

Attendees also offered very constructive suggestions for next time, which we'll share with you in a forthcoming newsletter. In the interest of the whole truth, we confess that there was one unhappy camper, who wrote: "Very poorly organized, not worth the price. Loud. No Structure." We'll try to please everyone next time!

A lot of people contributed to the conference's success and we want to thank them here. Rep. Mike Lawlor of East

Patty Strauss and Beth Frugale answer questions
Haven, sponsor of the C.U. bill in the State House, told the riveting story of how it was passed, as initially hostile legislators were converted to enthusiastic supporters of civil unions. We heard from the source herself, Elizabeth Frugale, how the new law will work. A panel of Town Clerks -- Patricia Strauss (Westport), Joseph Camposeo (Manchester) and Sharon Miller (East Hartford) -- did their best to answer JPs' far-ranging questions.

CT JP Conf Committee

The Committee: Doug Kovacs, Saul Haffner, Steven Mullins, Steven Mitchell at a planning meeting for the CT Conference.

JPs Doug Kovacs, Steven Mitchell and Steven Mullins trekked to Middletown a couple of times before the event to check out the facilities, learn the equipment and help plan the program. JPs Elise Klein and Doug Kovacs (Gay Ceremonies), Kurt Zimbler and Laura Minor (Interfaith), and Donna King (Pricing and Promotion, with Saul) agreed to be facilitators of small group discussions (which turned out to be not so small) for the entire afternoon, forgoing the opportunity to visit topics other than their own. Massachusetts JPs Claire Mentus and Rosemarie Kerwin volunteered to come down for the day and share their experience marrying gay couples in their state.
JP Bettie-Jeanne Rivard-Darby applied her graphical wizardry to making fun signs and nametags for all attendees -- right through the morning. (She brought her PC and printer to Middletown!)
And two JP relatives drove a long distance to "woman" the registration and merchandise tables all day long: Toni Rubin (wife of JP and photographer Stephen Rubin), and Loretta Jay Stepanskiy (daughter of JPs Saul and Barbara). We also thank the many JPs who helped publicize the event with their local papers and radio stations.
Saul Haffner

After all that preparation, what has the first month of Civil Unions been like?
Early Monday morning, October 3rd, I received a phone call asking if I would do a civil union ceremony that day. When I arrived in Old Saybrook's Town Hall, another couple was waiting for me who also wanted a Civil Union that morning. The two ladies had been a couple for over 35 years and never believed the act of formalizing their relationship would be achieved in their lifetimes. I was as respectful to them as I would be to anyone else and they were very touched.

            In the afternoon I performed the second ceremony at my home. The two gentlemen had been together for over forty years. They too were very emotional. This time I was able to wear my gown and hood. They were so pleased.

            My co-registrar in Town Hall does not approve of my willingness to perform the ceremony. She asked me whether my Rabbi approves of what I am doing. I explained that he said that I had taken an oath to carry out the laws of the State of Connecticut. I am certainly not performing a religious ceremony, only a civil one. Since he had no problem, I do not have a problem. Anyone who asks me to perform a wedding or a civil union will be treated with the same courtesy, respect, and decorum for that is how I was raised.   Liz Steffen, Old Saybrook, CT
            I did the civil union service at 4 o'clock on October 5, and it was beautiful! The weather cooperated. It was under a white canopy, with a white runway and white table (altar of sorts), with the satin pillow for the rings, and candles burning all over, even on the deck. The yard was beautiful, and the couple so happy. I am so glad I was a part of civil union and I told them so, several times - a first for both of us, and they think they were the first couple to apply for a license at city hall, in Stafford Springs. I will see tomorrow, when I turn it in. Carleen Zembko, Union CT
         I did my first Civil Union Sunday. Two women wrote their own vows. We found a nice location in Hartford’s lovely Goodwin Park. A small gathering including an 85 year-old Mom! It was very touching. Carl Henry

How many Civil Unions have there been in the first month? Elizabeth Frugale writes: "We will not have that information available to us until about the beginning of December. Each town is responsible for forwarding a certified copy to us within two weeks of registering the civil union;, however we find there are some towns that are not as diligent as other towns in getting the information to us in a timely manner. Therefore, I anticipate that by the end of November the state office should be in receipt of all the certificates for the month of October."

Other Views on Gay Marriage and Civil Unions

I am very pro-marriage between same gender couples. Civil Union is not where I was hoping that the state would go, but it is better, I suppose, than not recognizing the love and relationships possible between same gender couples. I DO recognize that we are in a time that violence, catastrophe, civil wars and world wars are too much the norm. Wherever love blossoms is a GOOD STRONG POSITIVE THING. ANYTHING that promotes kindness and LOVE is a Good Thing for me! Yet I know that for many, Civil Unions or "Gay Marriage" are issues to fight about politically and religiously.
Bettie-Jeanne Rivard-Darby, Ellington CT
I am a little flabbergasted that you would say this is "an exciting time to be a JP in New England." What is so exciting about destroying the institution of marriage? I am, to say the least, disappointed that opposing viewpoints were not included.
Patrick Droney, Enfield, CT
Editor's Note: The above comment was in response to the Summer Newsletter, which opened with the quoted remark. It was not in response to the conference, whose purpose was to educate JPs about the new law, not to debate it.

In September, we received this query:
My fiance and I are marrying in Andover Mass this November. Are there any bilingual Italian-English speaking JP's in the area? Kathy
We sent this query to our Massachusetts JPs and many responded. And the winner is... "Maria Taylor has been wonderful and will officiate at our wedding. Thanks for all your help! " Kathy

And now, Someone is Seeking a Connecticut JP who Speaks Ukranian.
For a wedding next September 23, 2006 in Bethel CT. "I still have quite some time, but I thought I'd get the ball rolling." Lena Onyshkewych If you know a JP who fills the bill, write to newsletter@jpUS.org.

Have You Worked with Couples with Disabilities?

The Justice of the Peace goes anywhere, anytime, to meet their clients needs. Services are performed on boats, in baskets high in the sky from balloons, on mountain tops, in swimming pools, the back yard or where ever the need be. Pleasing the couple is our main purpose. So when people with special needs need our services, how do we meet their needs? Hard of hearing? Low or no vision? Language barriers? etc. Would be fun to see JPs' answer - where do you do your weddings? and see what we come up with. Carleen Zembko. How do other JPs meet these challenges? Let us know at newsletter@jpUS.org
Another JP asks: Have any JPs performed weddings in jail? Let us know! Write to newsletter@jpUS.org